Bottle Says: Dry White Cider

BRN Says:Crikey this bottle looks cheap and the contents inside look Industrial (how convenient there isn't an ingredients table). I'm not sure whether I should drink it or clean the windows with it. In short this stuff looks weapons grade. The Bottle says the words OMEGA with a strange symbol on it, presumably a chemical compound symbol or criptic warning. The bottle opens with a thunderous HISS like its been desperate to escape for some time. A few spits end up on the table and i swear i can see it burning the wood. The smell of chemicals is also Incredible, making White Lightning seem like the smell of gentle Rose Petals. Its so strong its eye watering and easily wipes the floor with LCL and White Lightning. The word 'Jesus' springs to mind. There is no subtlety at all this is a chemical cocktail, and I'm worried of the mutantagenic properties this liquid evil may have on me. I pour into my pint glass and I'm shocked that the glass hasn't dissolved. The bottle was 3 litres for about £3 so obviously its not going to be refined nectar but this is rediculous. I take a quick look at the bottle to ensure it doesn't say 'property of British Aerospace' or 'Not for Human Consumption'. It doesn't but that doesn't calm my fears either. I take a few deep breathes and then chug a HUGE gulp down. "Oh, my God!!!!" this must contain every chemical ever created. Instantly my taste buds short circuit at the bombardment of substances. The stuff is quite possibly the worst tasting liquid substance ever conceived but you only notice that the first sip. After that you have no taste perception whatsoever. Its starting to kick in almost immediately and by pint 3 the world is an entirely different place. How they can bill this stuff as Cider is beyond me. This stuff has never been within a universe of an apple. By pint 4 my balance and depth perception are all off and i can safely say that I'm well pissed!!!! I'm staggering, slurring and a mess. This is beyond being pissed though, I'm chemically assisted. I get to pint 6 and I'm finished as far as functionality and communication is concerned. I'm totally chonged!!!. Somehow i manage to pass the limits of human tolerance by going to pints 7 and 8. This was probably not a good idea, however this stuff turns off any safeguards that you genetically have and removes all reasoning, sense from the occassion. I only stop when I've run out and blacking out is frequent.I drag my body to my bed but within 15 minutes I'm getting the whirlies (feels like I'm 16 again) and need the bathroom. I am sick all night long and 1/2 way into the next day, at several points I think that I'm gonna die.. I pass in and out of consciouness and when I do finally sober up I have easily the worst hangover of my life. Words just don't do justice to how bad I actually feel. It actually feels like I have damaged myself!!! This isn't a hangover its chemical poisoning 


Conclusion: 10/10: Closest thing to class A stuff over the counter!!!