A long time ago, we at Trampjuice launched a "write for Trampjuice" competition, which our cider reviewer Mr Goatse won. However an excellent submission was lost in the annals of time/formats/hard drives and has recently resurfaced. It was written by a guy named Mick Burrows and is featured below.

An ode to Trampagne,
as seen by nurse specialists.

to the tune of the sexual diseases monty python song

Primary Biliary Cholangitis,
Alcohol Induced Hepatitis,
Necrotic Chronic Pancreatitis
and Inflamed oesphagitus.

Banded oesophageal varices,
Newccy Brown coloured wee wees
Grossly deranged LFT's
A sludgey black sloppy whoopsies

Fatty livers and low magnesium
Vomited bile is tedium
Gone yellow? Do you know a good medium?
Dunno, I've permanent retrograde amnesium.....

A great poem and many plaudits to Mick.